Prelude to myself… & a challenge

I have so many entries that are just sitting around waiting to be published. Are they not good enough? Why does it take me so long?

See, the problem is I’m way too critical and indecisive. I have this vision of how I want things laid out, what to follow and which images are most suitable. I guess that’s not really a problem, but it sure becomes one when these visions change more often than I blink. I’m conscious of criticism and judgement. My intuition is crazy accurate; sometimes it scares me. I hate that I care so much about what others think. I mean, why? Why should I care?

This is my life, the thoughts I generate are my own. I form my own opinions, decisions and lifestyle changes. Why should I allow anyone else influence my personal thoughts. If I let that happen does that mean what I do next isn’t really what I want to do?

I battle with myself trying not to slip into a world of controlled societal bliss. On one hand I have my grand plans, things I long for and feel I will accomplish someday when the time is right. On the other, life seems to run away from me looking back pointing fingers and laughing because I can’t seem to catch up.
What if I’m not meant to be where everyone else is at my age? What if life has bigger and better and certainly more exciting plans for me.
I accept this. I accept the fact that despite what I may currently think, I am definitely not the only person with these questions. Nor am I the only one that is thinking about this right at this very moment.

So what’s the secret?
Well that would be no fun.

My right now secret; happy. Just be happy for me.
And the hardest part? Be happy for those around me. Genuinely happy. Understand that I cannot control anyone or anything in this life. I can’t change anyone’s thoughts and decisions. I can only make my own.

I have what I have because I made it happen. If I want more, I will have to achieve that. But for right now, I am happy right where I am. I’m happy that I’m beginning to shape my life the way I want it. I’m not quite at peace with myself, but that is the direction I’m aiming for.

Most of us travel, and we have some great stories. But never one the same. I want to share my travels with you, so I will challenge myself to publish one entry a week from my summer months of 2014.

Ps: Happy Fall!


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