Am I loosing it?

I’m breaking out!
My nails are chipping and my hair is falling out! Not to mention I’m going grey!
I’m falling apart!

I’ve been angry and moody for several months now, nothing in my life seems to be working out. And although my problems are quite insignificant compared to our current world issues, this is still my life and I somehow have to love to live it.

I live at home with my mom and brother. It drives me crazy and feeds my insanity. My attitude has down right shifted and I’ve become a complete bitch, especially to my mother. Probably because I know I can and no matter what, I know she will never turn her back. But what if she weren’t here? What if suddenly I lost her? Is this reason enough for me to rethink my words and actions? How do I shake this colossal bitchness off my shoulders?

Every chance I get I try to break out of my shell, and every time an obstacle stands in my way. Is this some kind of test, trying to see how much I can take?

Although my house is my space, it’s really not. I’m confined to my room most of the time, it’s where I can close the door and be quiet with my own endless thoughts. I live in a suburban city and don’t own my own vehicle. Another blow to the head. I’m forced to run on other peoples schedules. Plans come up, things need to get done and before I can even begin to put underwear on I have to go through a handful of people, train or bus schedules and time frames before I can sanely start to get ready. But by that time I’m sweating and need another shower from all the anxiety. It’s frustrating, I’m way to independent to depend on every one and every thing else in order to function. It stresses me out! So much so that it makes me cry.

I just want to live on my own time.

Oh yeah! And I’m single. Every other Facebook post reminds me. Every few Instagram snapshots remind me and at every family function I am reminded of this. They like to joke and tell me my youngest cousin will be married with kids before me. Until recently, I didn’t care. I mean, besides my frustrations listed above I have it made. I do what I want, when I want without having to check in. I travel, solo and with friends. I spend my own money on the useless things that make me feel good at that moment. I take random road trips, day trips and start hundreds of projects and never finish. I leave a trail of clothing from my bed to the bathroom and sometimes don’t pick them up for days.
But when I see couples, I get chocked up. I think I’m ready for someone in my life, a companion, someone who compliments me and vice versa. I want compromise not sacrifice, I want a best friend.
I guess in order for that to happen I have to fix all that other “important” stuff first.
I often wonder if the reason why I haven’t come across someone compatible is because life knows I’m not fully ready yet.

I don’t want to come across as crazy or suicidal, I’m definitely not. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. I simply feel better writing it, so I can see how minimal my problems are. That they’re all capable of change.
Right now I’m not strong enough, I still crave for people’s approval, I still care what others think of me, how I’m perceived. Validation is important. But I know I have to work toward a goal using small steps. Realizing that I live a life for myself, not for anyone else. I have to make choices that lead me toward my personal achievements and goals.

Maybe I’m just a late bloomer, and my life is just beginning.
We created the concept of time. It didn’t give me life and it doesn’t make my heart beat…. so who says that I have to follow that ticking clock.

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My Essentials: Hair & Skin

Flight Attendant, Stewardess, Air Hostess.
noun – an airline employee who serves meals, attends to passengers’ comfort, etc., during a flight. – dictionary.com

I’m pretty sure you’ve guessed what it is that I do for a living.

People always ask me, “What do you have in your suitcase?” Or, “How do you pack for all the different destinations, you must be very organized.”

In my world it’s more like, “organized chaos”.

What I’ve learned in the last few months of flying is how to manage my time. What are the things I can do that will save me that extra trip to the bathroom or closet and will maximize my time in between the sheets.

So here are my essential that don’t cram my suitcase with unnecessary things. Things that save me and make my layovers that much easier – all on 4 wheels.

Starting from the top.
Head:
Round brush/ 2 medium sized rollers – for that extra oomph
Time saving tip: for those of us with long hair, side bangs or full bangs – separate the first 2-3inches of your hair. Tie the back. Shampoo and condition the front part of hair, rinse and blow dry. Set on rollers over night. And voila, as I prance downstairs for call time, I look like I’ve spent hours on my do.
Sock bun: who wants Prom Queen hair every time. This is a fantastic alternative and probably one of the greatest inventions out there. I thank YouTube for the tutorials.
This should not take more than 10 minutes.
Hair ties and bobby pins – I go through them more often than I blink.
Money saving tip: When I’m in the UK, which happens more often than desired, I stock up on essentials at Primark. Especially hair ties and bobby pins. Large quantities per package for next to nothing. No 5* quality but they get the job done.

Face:
Simple is key. Non harsh soap and warm water. I use Dove White Deep Moisture soap. I’m the last person you will find at the sink with toners and scrubs. Skin ages, grows and develops naturally, the more chemicals you use the more skin becomes irritated and sensitive.
A great rich moisturizer is a must. I grew up on Nivea, and I won’t use anything else. And if I look anything like my mom at her age, I’ll be happy. Tried a few other more expensive products with ingredience I can’t even pronounce. Just because the price is in the double or triple digits doesn’t mean we will all look like Cindy Crawford. Use what works best with your skin.
Under eye cream – unfortunately I’ve been blessed with those great dark circles under my eyes. I recently started using Elizabeth Arden Prevage Eye Moisture Cream. On the pricy side, so when my sample container runs out I will have to seriously contemplate the splurge.

Makeup removers – I find liquid makeup removers don’t always survive the trip. A few times I’ve wasted precious minutes rinsing, drying and repacking because my bottle had spilt. Not to mention cursing that my $15, 100ml bottle product evaporated into thin air. My alternative; face wipes. I use Equate Exfoliating Cleansing Towelettes. Gentle on the skin and wallet. They go with me everywhere and are always at my bed side at home and abroad. One thing I will never do is fall asleep with a full face on, especially one that has gone through two or more continents. So when exhaustion hits hard and I can’t bare to stand on my feet any longer I reach over and my wipes save me. Under 2 minutes and you can do it with your eyes closed.
Did you know? Aloe Vera isn’t only used for sunburns. I use it as a makeup remover. Works just as good if not better than all other products AND it’s made up of natural ingredients. Bonus for your skin.

Makeup – I repeat, simple is key. Too often flight attendants resemble Robin Williams’ character in ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ as he slaps on a last minute dripping “face mask” when Mrs. Sellner pops in for her appointment. Except at 40 000ft, I’m sure it would be far from tasty.
Primer – I use Smashbox Photo Finish Oil Free Foundation Primer. I find my makeup application is smoother and even. It reduces the cake look and creates a base so makeup does not sink into the creases, fine lines and wrinkles.
Followed by a little bit of concealor, mineralized powder, mascara, a bit of bronzer or blush and I’m ready for outfit …

Here are a few of my favourite things

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